Embarking on an international job opportunity is thrilling, but what about the rest of your family? Relocation isn't just a solo adventure—it's a journey for both partners. Engaging your partner with the possibility, and reality, of relocating is crucial to a successful move.
Over the past eight years, I've had fascinating conversations with potential relocatees about what it would take for their partners to join them, and the differences in how different family members approach the prospect.
Personally, I’ve navigated most aspects of the partner experience. Early in my career, I swept my husband along on the adventure of my first offshore posting—with minimal empathy for his challenges in finding work and building personal networks.
Later, we found the sweet spot of dual international career moves, putting us on equal footing for relocation decisions.
In another phase, I was a freelancer with small children, viewing the prospect of uprooting from a completely different angle. I vetoed one move and agreed to another.
These experiences got me thinking about how candidates can approach relocation in a way that brings both partners on board throughout the process. Here are my thoughts:
Deciding to stay or go....
Ask don’t tell
It’s common for the candidate to be more enthusiastic about the offshore opportunity than their spouse. Instead of launching into a sales pitch, ask your partner what worries them about the idea, what excites them and what they’d like to gain from the experience. No one likes being pushed into a life-changing decision.
Put yourself in their shoes
Concerns about how children (or fur babies) will handle the move may be at the forefront of your partner's mind. Maybe their career is peaking, or they’re beginning to regain control over their life as the kids grow up. While no issue is insurmountable, they all need to be acknowledged and addressed openly.
Know your personalities
Couples may not actually disagree about an international move—it might just seem that way because they approach it differently. For example, a planner needs a fully detailed picture of their new life and prefers to build this up over time, while a visionary sees the path ahead quickly and wants to act, filling in the details later. Some of our clients find it helpful for one or both partners to take a personality test, providing insights into how individuals feel most comfortable conceptualising and undertaking an international move.
Executing the move....
Take lessons from work
A comprehensive onboarding program and a positive employee experience are crucial to effective performance in a new role. Approach your new home life the same way—even if it’s up to you to make it happen. Address the practicalities like housing and schooling, but don’t forget the emotional support needed to navigate the inevitable ups and downs of building a new life in an unfamiliar place.
Make critical lifestyle decisions together
Well-meaning colleagues might urge quick decisions on suburbs or schools based on their preferences, which may not actually match yours. As a couple or family, you know what suits you best. It’s great if your spouse can shortlist options, but take time out of work to visit and discuss the pros and cons together, so you both feel ownership over the outcome.
Support your partner's new life
The working spouse often has a ready-made network and sense of purpose through their career, while the partner may need to create all of that from scratch. So instead of downloading about your busy, goal-driven workday, share in the progress your partner is making. Be available to host a neighbourhood dinner party or make an effort to join your partner’s new workmates for lunch. In fact, the connections you make outside of work will likely be what keeps you in a place long-term—jobs and colleagues come and go.
Sadly, 37% of international assignment failure is due to family issues, spouse dissatisfaction or inability to settle into their new country. Taking a sensitive and proactive approach to building your relocation experience together with your spouse, is key to maximising your chances of success.
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Mobile Relocation connects you with what you need to thrive in New Zealand. Contact us today to talk about how we can carry your relocation burden.
If you are a recruiter or HR Professional bringing international talent to NZ Mobile Relocation has a range of settlement support services to suit your candidates and your business - from baseline support to meet Immigration New Zealand’s AEWV Accreditation requirements (Kiwi Launch Pad) through to personalised programmes to support your most valued international employees.
Bridget is a New Zealander who has lived and worked as a diplomat in Singapore and India. After experiencing all facets of the relocation experience, she founded Mobile to work with private individuals moving to NZ and leading local and international businesses bringing in offshore talent.