Expats moving to New Zealand face significant adjustment not just on a practical level, but also emotionally. It’s rarely a linear journey but will undoubtedly lead to a period of growth and development for those who embrace their new life wholeheartedly.
So we’ve asked Transformational Coach and Mentor, Paula Harrington, for her top tips and tools on how to deal with the changes and challenges of resettling in a new country. As a serial expat herself, having previously worked in HR & Recruitment and set up one of the first online stores in the UAE, Paula now lives in NZ and works with clients all over the world.
1. Coping initially without a network and a community
There are lots of practical steps you can take to build community and networks in a new place - but it does take time to build shared history and get to a point of feeling settled. Yet soon after arrival is often the time people have an overwhelming need for vulnerable conversations about how they are feeling, and all the aspects of their life that have been impacted. At this point there is no shame in sharing the challenges with your inner circle back home. Creating a virtual friend network provides an opportunity to be yourself with people who can lift and support you as you navigate towards your new normal in New Zealand.
2. Dealing with physical and emotional isolation
Moving to a small island nation at the bottom of the world far from home and loved ones creates a sense of loneliness that can be very confronting for many expats. This may be the first time you may find yourself encountering such strong emotions, and often unresolved wounds of grief and trauma arise from nowhere. It’s very common to find yourself in fight, flight or freeze mode. Learning to take a pause and connect to your ‘self’ is an important first step. A variety of mindfulness tools can help, such as meditation, breathwork, moving your body or journaling. There are no rules, it's often finding what works for you. For example, if you feel stuck, moving your body and being in nature has proven to have restorative effects, and simply writing your thoughts down in a journal before you go to bed is a great way to offload and ease into a better sleep. There are plenty of meditation apps on the market. I often recommend Insight Timer which has a vast range of free resources from body scans to breathwork exercises.
3. Navigating yourself and your family through change
I work with a lot of women who take on the emotions and responsibility for the whole family’s relocation experience, and end up in a state of physical and emotional exhaustion. As hard as it may seem, and with no intention of trying to sugar coat the impact change and uncertainty has on all the family, one of the biggest learnings during this time is the acceptance that as parents we are not responsible for our children being in a constant state of happiness. Our responsibility lies in giving them unconditional love and the tools to ride the waves of emotion. Noticing and acknowledging their emotions, but not trying to fix them, isn’t easy but it is the ideal scenario. As you start to find tools that work for you individually it’s also a great time to think about creating shared moments of gratitude as a family. Try playing Dr Ranjan Chatterjees simple Gratitude Game at meal times. At first it may feel awkward, but over time you will feel like you are indeed moving forward. The five questions that you all answer are:
What have you done today to make someone else happy?
What has someone else done today to make you happy?
What have you learned today?
What have you done today to make yourself happy?
How did you feel when you made someone else happy?
4. Expectation vs reality
Choosing to move to New Zealand is a considered decision, it’s not all about the job - it’s about so much more, creating a brand new blissful life. Often before you know it you may find yourself recreating the life you left and jump back on the hamster wheel of old behaviours. When there’s a disconnect between expectation and reality often you can then start second guessing your decision, working yourself into a ‘lack’ mindset and feeling stuck. Take time to have a reset, a pause, and reconnect to your goals and dreams. This will get you excited about what possibilities lie ahead, and primed to move boldly forward. Write down your goals and dreams in a journal. Do so with an abundant mindset and an attitude that anything is possible. Tara Swarts book The Source is an excellent read about the neuroscience behind the abundant mindset. For a practical tool that’s easy to engage with, I really like the diary layout by Kiwi brand Frank.
In conclusion, the most important thing to appreciate is that we all experience change and life as an expatriate differently. There will be challenges and trying to think your way out of it can cause a lot of anguish and sleepless nights. There is no one-size-fits-all off-the-shelf solution. Find what works for you.
To find out more about Paula and her work, visit www.paulaharrington.co.nz.
Mobile Relocation delivers resettlement and relocation programmes for businesses employing offshore talent. Our goal is to get your expat and migrant talent up and running in NZ as quickly as possible - reducing their time to effectiveness in their new role, and enabling them to deliver their skills and expertise to your the benefit of your business.
Bridget is a New Zealander who has lived and worked as a diplomat in Singapore and India. After experiencing all facets of the relocation experience, she founded Mobile to work with private individuals moving to NZ and leading local and international businesses bringing in offshore talent. bridget@mobile-relocation.com
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